faith without trust is like grasping for the wind

And so the rabbit hole begins

Everything takes faith.

Everything takes faith.

Nothing is certain.

Nothing is certain.

I don’t know how to know if I know.

Nothing is really as it seems.

What if you’re wrong?

What if we are wrong?

I’d be a fool to believe that it is as easy as believing.

How did we get here?

About three months ago, my biology teacher assigned a presentation:

“Prove evolution.”

That’s it, we had to prove it.

Me? Yeah no.

After a lot of contemplating (and a weekend in the hospital), I decided to do the opposite— and, well, without involving creation or religion.

It actually is quite easy– you know, just as long as you dig deep enough.

Go down the rabbit hole, it’ll be good for you.

I got a 100% on the presentation.

With it I learned that “truth” doesn’t really exist.

The lies we are taught

They aren’t really lies… at least… they aren’t intended to be.

But, they are just someone else’s truth, right?

Should someone else’s truth become our own?

Often, it does.

The lies we are taught to believe become our own truths.

How much can we really trust people?

How much can we even trust ourselves?

Do I not believe?

I mean, I’m probably wrong.

others truths

—————

my own

That’s what I’ve been taught, right?

“It’s all in your head, trust me.”

“Once you get your mind straight, you’ll be cured.”

“It can’t really be that bad.”

Right, you are surely right.

I believe it.

Do I not believe?

The Matrix

Hey, how can you watch this? Doesn’t it make you worry? Wonder maybe?

“No.”

How?

“Because I have a strong belief we are going to Heaven.”

Oh.

Right.

Do I not?

How can I trust God if I don’t trust myself?

What if I’m wrong?

Maybe the blue pill wouldn't be so bad...

When two truths collide

I should trust X, not Y.

X is correct; X believes the same as me.

Well, the same as I’ve been taught to believe, that is.

X: “Hey, don’t believe a thing Y says; it’s not true.”

Oh, okay. You’re right.

Wait… are you?

Why am I trusting you?

…I thought I could trust you both.

It all starts with why

“This is what makes sense to me.”

Okay… why?

“Because, x y & z.”

Oh, that does make sense.

But…

You shouldn’t trust him Mackenzie, remember.

But… why?

What do I believe?

“What do we believe?”

We.

That’s what I’ve always asked.

Tell me what to believe.

Tell me your truth so I can make it mine.

But it’s not really mine.

What do I believe?

I.

I believe what I have been taught to believe.

(But… what if there’s more?)

I don’t know, and I’m not ok with it

It’s all gray.

All around us is gray.

I long for black or white.

I want to know.

I want the truth.

I want certainty.

Why must all be gray?

And so I try to understand what I cannot hold in my hands

And it destroys me.

Awareness isn’t always freeing

I want answers, all I want are answers.

But the more answers I get, the more questions I acquire.

My uncertainty only grows.

I feel as if the only cure is not knowing.

Note: Answers mean nothing if you cannot get yourself to believe them…

Maybe the problem is you (me)

I just want to believe you.

Oh wait, but I already believe you.

And I’m supposed to believe you.

Am I allowed to believe you?

Can I believe you, you, and you?

You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you.

What about me?

I wish I could believe me.

No, stop

“Stop searching and just believe in what you’ve always ‘known.’”

No, stop.

“Try going to this church.”

“How about this religion?”

“Maybe set up a meeting with a missionary.”

No, stop.

“You should try stepping away from religion.”

“Perhaps you should look into philosophy.”

No, stop.

“Start trusting yourself, it’s not that hard.”

“Try to be content with not knowing.”

No, stop.

“Pray about it.”

No– well yes– but, stop.

Help isn’t help if you don’t trust it to be help.

Does trust change with the truth?

I trusted you, before I thought not to.

Your help helped me, before others told me it wouldn’t.

I believed you, before I was told you were wrong.

Does that change now?

Now that our “truths” collide?

Does that change what once was?

Should it..?

Trojan horse

“If it’s good, it’s from God; if it’s bad, it’s from the devil.”

What about the trojan horse?

It seems good, it does, but what if it’s not?

What if it’s the devil dressed as an angel?

I want to believe seemingly “good intentions” are truly good intentions.

I really do.

But, this is not as simple as “good” or “bad.”

I wish it was.

Grasping for the wind

Why can’t I just stop?

I spent so long being naive.

I’m not anymore.

Why can’t I stop the search?

Why can’t I have faith?

Just stop digging.

…I liked me better… before.

I know now; I can stop.

Yet, I keep digging.

Why am I yet to grasp the wind?

All I want is to grasp the wind.

♫ Why we find it so easy to believe?

In everything we’re sold, but we’re never gonna see? ♫

♫ An open mind, stuck between hope and doubt

Don’t try to make sense of it, it don’t work out

Sharpen all our senses ‘til we can’t see the light ♫

- Open Mind by Jack Johnson

It takes faith

But faith without trust is vanity…