ADD/ADHD

In this blog I’d like to talk about one thing I’ve learned a lot about and dealt with for as long as I can remember, ADD/ADHD (I use both ADD and ADHD interchangeably in this blog, but the difference is ADHD includes hyperactivity). I just know, when the average person thinks about ADHD, they tend to think of it as kids who are hyper and can’t focus. Key word there, kids. For one, ADHD does not just affect kids, but lots of adults too, and two, it is not just about being hyper and inability to focus. There's actually countless numbers of ways ADHD affects kids and adults everyday life. This blog will definitely be a bit lengthy because there’s so much information to cover from things I’ve learned to things I’ve actually been through, but it will mean a lot if you read it all because this is something I have spent a lot of time educating myself about and something I am pretty passionate about.

To be honest, I didn’t completely understand ADHD until these past few months when I read my two favorite books regarding ADHD, Driven to Distraction, by Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey, and Healing ADD, by Daniel G. Amen. After reading both of these books, everything began to make sense to me. I finally could put together why I did certain things and felt certain ways, and no longer felt like it was just something wrong with just me. Both of these books include real people who deal with ADHD and their stories. These authors do a really good job of explaining what it’s like having ADHD and how to deal with it.

To get into what ADHD is all about, I will start with explaining the seven types of ADHD. Yep, seven. The first two are classic and inattentive ADD. They are the two most common types of ADHD and are essentially the same with the exception that people with attentive ADD don’t deal with hyperactivity like people with classic ADD. People who struggle with type 1 and 2 deal with distractibility, short attention span, trouble listening, procrastination, disorganization, forgetfulness, etc. What type 1 people struggle with that type 2 don’t is excessive talking, impulsiveness, difficulty waiting, and constant interrupting. On the other hand, type two people deal with daydreaming, appearing unmotivated, and being tired and sluggish, while type 1 people often don't. Type 1 and type 2 ADD are so alike that some people may have symptoms from both types.

The next types I will talk about are type 3, 5, and 7. Yes, I am skipping around a bit, but these seem to go together better than with the other two. Type 3 is overfocused ADD, with symptoms including, excessive worrying, argumentative, strong negative thoughts, tendency to hold grudges, trouble shifting attention, difficulty seeing options in situations, opinionated, needing to always be right, and always having things done a certain way. This is very similar to OCD, but the difference is people with overfocused ADD also deal with all the core symptoms of classic ADD as well. Type 5 and 7 also have the core ADD symptoms as well as their own additional symptoms. Type 5, limbic ADD, includes the symptoms of moodiness, negativity, low energy, irritability, isolation, hopelessness, low interest in things, and low self-esteem. People with this type of ADD have most symptoms of people who deal with depression. Type 7 is anxious ADD. People with this type deal with being frequently anxious and nervous, tend to freeze in situations, predict the worst, fear being judged, and have physical stress symptoms. Yet again, these people have most of the symptoms of anxiety, but with all the core ADD symptoms as well.

Type 6 is possibly the most dangerous type of ADHD. Ring of fire ADD. People with this type deal with sensitivity to noise, light, and touch, mood changes, have periods of mean and nasty behavior, impulsiveness, unpredictable behavior, fast talking, and irritability. People like this can get really bad, really fast. They tend to get very mean very fast, and freak out at anything. This kind of ADHD is very concerning because you never know what people who deal with this may do. Once something goes wrong or doesn’t go their way, they can lash out and possibly do something really violent. People with this type of ADHD often look to alcohol and drugs for self treatment.

The last type I will talk about is type 4, temporal lobe ADD. This type is usually developed after some sort of head injury, even one not very severe. People with this type experience memory and learning problems, irritability, periods of quick temper, spaciness and confusion, periods of panic or fear, visual changes, and headaches or abdominal pain. This type I like to leave separate from the rest because you aren’t normally born with it. History of head injury brings on this type because of damage bumps to the head can cause the temporal lobes of the brain.

Now that you know a bit about each type of ADHD, maybe you can see now why ADHD is a bit more complex than you may have thought. Next to talk about what ADHD does to mental health. People with ADHD deal with more than just the symptoms labeled along with it. Lots of people with ADHD struggle with anxiety, and depression. Most people have very low self-esteem as well and are very hard on themselves. Think about it like this, you grow up as the hyper, off task kid, who can never seem to sit concentrated for more than a few minutes. This causes struggles in school from a young age and teachers are not able to help you because your brain simply won’t allow you to. So then, highschool comes around, everything gets much harder, you try to do well in school and work like the other kids, but your brain is different from everyone else's. This then sets kids up for failure and they feel no matter how hard they try, they will never be able to be as good as everyone else. One of the worst things is that people with ADHD are actually really really hard on themselves, and it doesn’t help that they can’t control how hard some things are for them. It also doesn’t help that with their outgoing, energetic personality, they are often annoying and hard to be around, for reasons they can’t even control. This makes kids grow up feeling like there's something wrong with them and no one will like them or want to be their friend, causing them to go through life feeling like a misfit.

Going through school like this just sets kids up for a hard future. They go into things expecting to fail, and feel no matter how hard they work at something they will never do it right or to the full extent. After graduating, and going into the real world, they are no longer a kid and are expected to be better. The thing is, people rarely grow out of ADHD. Keeping a steady job without getting fired is extremely hard for people like this. They are constantly late, never follow through with things, and have a hard time adjusting to things. Therefore, people with ADHD struggle a lot with mental health, trying to meet the expectation of society, and themselves.

People with ADHD affect everyone around them, as well. They are messy, disorganized, impulsive, and tend not to follow through with things they are told. This creates a lot of tension in the family environment because other family members don’t understand why their son, daughter, brother, sister, spouse, etc. can’t do things the way they want them done. Other family members tend to get very upset at the member with ADHD because they do things like leave things out, make messes, leave drawers or cabinets open, or just simply walk right over messes, without even realizing it. It's really hard living with someone with ADHD because they do things without even knowing about it that really upsets the whole family. The tough thing is, even when it's brought to their attention, their habits won’t really change because they simply don’t know how to make the change, which causes a lot of arguments and tension within the household.

Hopefully by now you have a good grasp on what ADHD really is. I’d like to now explain it from my perspective. I have grown up with ADHD, my mom knew since I was a little kid I had classic ADHD, even though I didn’t get professionally diagnosed until 5th grade. Now if you have read my earlier blogs, you’d know by now about my multiple head injuries, which makes me now believe I have also developed temporal lobe ADD as well.

Now to explain all of this from my point of view. Ever since I was little I struggled staying on task and picking up on things in school as fast as the other kids. I remember one day in 2nd grade taking my grammar book home, crying, begging my mom to help me understand it like the other kids did. I never did, by the way, and ever since 2nd grade I’ve gone through school weaseling my way through things, and now, being a 10th grader, still not understanding elementary school grammar. When things got hard for me in school, I just decided to avoid them, now causing me to struggle more and more the higher I get up in school. I still to this day have to work lots harder than the other kids to understand things, and in some cases, I have just accepted that there are some things that I will never understand, therefore I leave it at that. (not the best strategy, I know).

At home, I struggle a lot with trying to live like my parents and brother do. I tend to irritate them very often because I leave things everywhere, never realizing. I will leave rooms with cabinet doors and drawers wide open, not even noticing, which obviously bothers everyone else. After anything I do there is always a mess left, no matter how many times my parents tell me to clean it up. My room doesn't stay clean for more than a couple of hours, and I rarely do things I say I’m going to get done. The thing is, I really am not aware of anything, which causes my parents and brother to get really upset with me because they don’t understand how I can be truly so oblivious to things, but really, it's just how my brain is.

Finally, to talk about how ADHD has affected my mental health, and how I think of myself. Having ADHD has really affected how I feel about myself. I often feel like a failure and like I will never be good enough for anything. I set goals for myself just for them to never be achieved, making me feel worse and worse about myself. I get so excited in the moment and make a whole plan for what I am going to do and how productive I am going to be, just to wake up at noon the next day not accomplish anything because I already feel like I failed. I give myself no slack and I either have to do things exactly the way I planned them to go, or not at all, which tends to lead me into a pit of disappointment.

Another way this affects me is with my view on how others feel about me. I am not one to care about if someone likes me or not, but it's kind of hard to feel okay about myself when everyone around me thinks I am annoying and too much for them. No matter how hard I try I can’t control my energetic personality that comes off annoying to many people, which makes me feel like no one really likes me and that my friends really can’t stand me. I know that it really isn’t that bad, but my brain convinces me that I am extremely annoying and that everyone is getting irritated with me. I even feel like this with adults and teachers because I am one to talk and talk with anyone who will listen, which makes me feel like all my teachers especially are getting annoyed with me and like I need to shut up because no one really cares that much. I talk my mom's ear off literally everyday I get home from school, just because that's how my personality is.

Okay, now I’m officially done with this blog. Yes, it is definitely lengthy and I rambled in certain places, but there's yet another way my ADHD takes over. There’s so much going on in my mind I just spit it all out onto paper and hope it all comes together and makes sense. I hope reading this you learned something about how ADD/ADHD really affects a person and maybe you will think twice before judging or get upset with someone that has it, because it really isn’t something they can control and they are trying their best to get by and control their mind the best they can. (In a future blog I plan to talk about treatment for ADHD and tips on how to live with it)